Say no. That's the message arising from my depths.
I've learned something in the last few months: I can have compassion, feel empathy, see the divine light within someone, and still tell them no. I can even tell them fuck no.
No that is not acceptable in my space.
No I will not tolerate being treated that way.
No I do not accept your shit.
Making excuses for other people's shit is not our responsibility, and making excuses for other people's shit is not empathy. It's not being a "bigger person." It's being an enabler. It's bleeding of boundaries. Us highly empathetic hippie lovers of all things big and small are the worst offenders. We see the other person's pain. Or even when we don't, our friends rally around us to remind us of how much pain they must be in to be acting that way. They don't know better. They are insecure. They are hurt.
Fair enough. We can deeply, authentically empathize, and at the same time say no. Because saying no cleans up our own space. Which is our own responsibility. Saying no upholds our value and honors our healthy boundaries.
If you come into my space and act a fool, I will not tear you down. I will not retaliate and lie or undermine you otherwise. I will not even wish you ill, in fact I will (genuinely) wish for your highest good. I will forgive you. I will take responsibility for what I called in and I will forgive myself. I will do a whole damn Hawaiian forgiveness ceremony to free us both.
But I will tell the truth and I will tell you no.
Still.
More than once if necessary.
Because I don't accept bullshit. Period. I can't control whether or not it lands with you or anybody else. I can't control your past, present, or future behavior. I can't control whether or not some other person rewards your shit behavior. But I can take a stand in my own space and I can tell you no. Because my space is sacred.
And if the truth reflects poorly on someone, that's on them. This is not about people getting theirs, it's about us defining our own space. Stating to the universe and for all to hear what is and is not acceptable in our space. I say no because I am not a victim and I am not here to absorb anyone's bullshit.
"You show the world how to treat you — and the world will respond accordingly."
- Danielle LaPorte
Why does this matter in a world where democratic institutions are under threat, the Arctic is melting, and nobody knows what the hell is going to happen?
Because we have to say no.
The people at Standing Rock said no.
Saying no is often unpopular. It can be difficult. Calling bullshit out will often result in some kind of retaliation. People really do not like to have their shit exposed. It could come in the form of direct attack, or it could come in the more insidious form of lying to save face and pretending not to know what's going on. Or worse, pretending not to understand what the big deal is. The normalization of bullshit creates a culture of bullshit and it is not ok. Not at home, not at work, not in society. You can put a dress on it, and it will still be bullshit.
Accountability and responsibility are adult territory.
We are responsible for our own bullshit and our own emotions. We don't get to make excuses for expediency, or give up because we believe the system is rigged, or just try not to make waves. We don't get to hide our voices because we're afraid of admitting that we care. We don't get to pretend we don't know what's going on because we are afraid of what might happen if we call it like it is. And we don't get to shy away because exercising our healthy boundaries may inspire discomfort in someone else.
The truth exists, and it matters more than anything that we be our word and keep our intention to the light as best as we possibly can. And when we mess up we get to own it, apologize, take responsibility, and course correct. Each individual can only clean up our own space, and it's our own responsibility to do so.
I hereby clean up mine.
If you encounter someone who wants to smile while they kick you, tell them no. Hold them at their highest. Because they're better than that. Because you're worthy of that.
There is no winning outside of our own integrity.
As above, so below. Send a clean message to the universe. Because it's listening and watching.